The open door theory of change

This has been a year of endings and transitions for me. I’ve wound up my business, after 18 years of big-idea-strategising, writing-deadline-wrangling, and new-biz-hustling. My oldest son is about to finish his first degree, my youngest is packing for a semester overseas. And my husband has just finished a 35-year run with his own company.

This is a time of profound change – and not just for me, but for many others I speak with.

Which is why Gretchen Rubin’s article for The Atlantic really resonated with me.

Writing on an inevitable parenting rite of passage, Gretchen invites us to rethink the concept of ‘empty nest’.

Instead, let’s call it the open door.

An open door turns any sense of loss into possibility. It’s both hospitable – yes, our kids are always welcome to return – and liberating. It’s an invitation to explore what’s next, on the other side of the school run.

There’s nothing empty about a life with so much possibility.

In that sense, the open door is more than a parenting milestone. You may not have kids, or if you do they might be a long way from semi-independent. But could you still open a new door – and reinvent the way you work? Or maybe even reinvent your life?

Start with closure

Let me be clear: an open door mindset does not mean saying yes to everything.

In fact, it’s the opposite. Because you will most likely need to first close one door first, before you open another.

As Atomic Habits author James Clear wrote, “When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option.”

We say yes to many things we really don’t want to do. But when we do, we turn away from the threshold to more meaningful experiences, more growth, more joy.

To open the door to something new, what will you close first? What, in your work or your life, is no longer serving you? Start by checking for energy vampires – the clients who are overly needy or demanding, or the projects that fill you with dread and suck the life out of you.  

In Beyond Solo, I explored how setting boundaries – knowing when and how to say no – could become a sort of superpower. That discipline is even more important when you change course, from established comfort-zone work to a new venture. It’s too easy to undervalue the skills and expertise you bring to new ways of working, and do that work on spec because you want to test and learn.

It's also all too tempting for some people in your circles to tap you for advice or guidance now you ‘have time.’ Before long, you find you’re giving that time away for free.

By starting with closure – being clear about what you’re moving away from – you can be intentional about where you spend your time next. If you’ve freed time for what matters, use it where it’s valued.

This is conscious closure, and it lets you move on without regrets. Just as reframing an empty nest as an open door helps you look forward to the future, rather than wallowing in what was.

The courage to choose

Research proves the old saying that fortune favours the bold. Companies that emerge stronger from successive recessions are led by those who made brave decisions – not those who freeze in fear or wait for uncertainty to play out.  

I took decisive action because I knew the status quo was no longer an option. It was also an unexpected choice – who closes a business when it’s still financially solvent? I have to thank my mum for filling me with absolute certainty that this was the right move.

When my mum was the age I am now, she lost her life to an aggressive cancer. She also lost her business that same year. I cannot tell you whether the financial stress of running a small business was a contributing factor to her illness.

I just know I don’t want to share her fate.

It takes courage to make hard decisions. But when the outcome is unknown, all we can do is control the process – and accept the eventual consequences of our choice. For me, those consequences were deeply personal.

Which door will you choose?

At 18, my business had come of age. But it was time for me to leave the nest. I choose to open the door to ‘hell yeah’ opportunities that excite and energise me.

I choose life.

So what door will you choose to open in the next year? And which ones will you close?